i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
