remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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