it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
