bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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