I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
