Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
