i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
