Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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