dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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