you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
