I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
