Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
