I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
