i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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