So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize