The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize