um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you never un-have a 4some
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
