Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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