dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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