there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
