Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
