The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
