Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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