Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize