Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
