I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
