I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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