He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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