you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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