When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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