I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
