worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
