Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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