trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
