Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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