the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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