Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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