It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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