didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
