upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
