so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
