im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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