Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize