He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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