a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize