...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
