u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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