Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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