you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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