Duck Duck Cougar?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
