He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
