Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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