I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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