In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
