drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
