ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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