for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
