I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
