If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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