we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
