she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
