I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
