We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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