we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I died a long time ago.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
