so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
