He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
