we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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