the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
