dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
