I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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