grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
