I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize