Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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