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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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