i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
