I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
