I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize