Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
