Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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