party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
