i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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