I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
