I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
