I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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