I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
