K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
