in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
