Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Alive.
So much puke
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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