he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
