I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
