party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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