i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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