so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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