What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Boobs are out for the taking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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