fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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