Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
