i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
