Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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