we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
