We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
