Someone shit on the floor
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
