I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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