go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
