He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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