Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
