Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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