sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
