I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
