then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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