So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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