So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
