The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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