I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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